Why does love hurt? Why does loving leave people in pains? Why is there broken hearts everywhere? It’s simple because we are made to think and believe love as being a feeling–an emotion. But true love is more of a being and a doing, a giving, an outpouring. Love is everywhere but not everyone experiences it. Why? Because we ‘need’ love from outside ourselves. But it doesn’t work that way. We can only experience love by giving it away. Love touches, love offers itself, love is gentle and it is kind.
For instance, if you are relating to someone you’re either giving your attention (love) to that person or trying to get something from that person. We know love by its fruits. Love gives, it listens, it caresses, it nourishes and it nurtures. It does whatever is needed of it. Love naturally responds to life as life presents itself.
This type of love is hardly preached about in our society today but rather a particular type is being projected….Romantic love.
Romantic love is nothing like what I described above. Romantic love is a giddy feeling, an excitement, an anticipation of getting something from someone. It makes us feel like a kid at Christmas—–Yippee! I’m going to get what I want!
Romance is exciting fun and feels wonderful but it’s not really love. Romantic love makes one oblivious of the needs of others as we have only the beloved on our mind. We become fascinated and obsessed with the beloved to the exclusion of everything else. And we hope against all hopes and believed that our beloved will enhance us….expectations.
Love hurts because of expectations. Romantic love is simply falling in love with what we hope will be our salvation and happiness forever. In romantic love,we always hope he/she makes us happy,completes our lives etc. And when all these are not met, hurt sets in. Our hope is being shattered and we are now left in pains.
It is good to know that romantic love tends to be a need; you need this sort of love, you need physical sex, companionship or the like. Now the question is what happens when your need is being met? For instance, you are hungry ,you ‘need’ to eat rice. You don’t mind whether it is ‘fried’ or ‘stewed’ rice. All you want is to eat rice and quench the hunger.
Once you are done, you have satisfied your hunger urge, only then will you notice that the rice you just ate was not much tasty but you just managed .when another of the same rice is served again for you, you are already filled, you have no use for it again because it just satisfied a need.
This exactly the scene for romantic love. It is created by an illusion (I.e. psychological projection) and by the release of certain chemicals in the brain which consciously and unconsciously creates a “wish list” for us which we idealize to be reality. Romantic love is not the love that builds lasting relationships, because it involves a need that will definitely be satisfied one day.
Before I drop my pen, let me ask…..why do you fall in love??? If you ever answer this question, you just killed the love. It means you need something which you feel is lacking in your life. And there is expectations in the air for you to get whatsoever thing it is thereby giving room to Hurt!
So I will suggest you practice healthy self love so as to avoid saying love hurts!
Written By Lilian Uchechi Edited By Daniel Azuama