The myth of the vaginal orgasm goes around the world. Does it exist at all?
To hear a woman say she achieved a vaginal orgasm is a rare occurrence. However, just like the myth of Bigfoot, the phenomenon sticks around to make people wonder if it’s something worth working towards.
Historically, there has been a large knowledge gap when it comes to the science of female orgasms. A recent study published in The Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy discovered that roughly 37% of American women required clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm. The same study found that less than 1 in 5 women are able to orgasm through vaginal stimulation.
As it happens, achieving vaginal orgasm is a challenging task that requires concentration, lubrication, a vibrator, some weird positions, and exercises. Here are some tips to help you experience/give one(vaginal orgasm) and keep it coming.
1. Try more foreplay
Many people underestimate the power of a good foreplay. The act of foreplay is especially important for women because it takes a woman a longer time to get to the level of arousal she needs in order to achieve an orgasm.
Foreplay has both physical and emotional purposes. It prepares the mind and body for sex. When there’s kissing, hugging, and caressing involved, women feel desired and the vagina creates lubrication. Lubrication is essential for a comfortable intercourse and a successful female vaginal orgasm.
Although methods of foreplay depend on the partners in a relationship, sex educators suggest shoulder massages, kissing, and touching before sex. In fact, a study in the Journal of Sex Research found that men and women need about 18 minutes of foreplay before sex.
2. Add some clitoral stimulation during vaginal sex
The clitoris is an amazing female body part. It’s there to make women feel good and that’s that. It’s the most sensitive erogenous part of a woman’s body. Stimulating it can set a sexual physiological response into motion.
If you want to increase your chances of achieving a vaginal orgasm, you need direct clitoral stimulation. This can be done either with a toy, tongue, or fingers. Sex educators suggest experimenting with different amounts of pressure and strokes to see what works for you.
At the end of the day, it’s you who knows your body best. It’s up to you to educate your partner on what stimulates you to reach an orgasm.
3. Do some kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles
Most people have heard of Kegels. But did you know that they can do far more than just prevent bladder leaks? Women who tried this exercise discovered that, in addition to having better control over their bladders, they were also experiencing better sex.
You can increase your chances of achieving vaginal orgasm by strengthening your pelvic muscles. Luckily, the pelvic muscles can be strengthened by doing Kegels. They can tone and strengthen these muscles, boosting your arousal. They can also cause a tighter grip during intercourse and more intense contractions during orgasm as more blood gets sent to your below-the-belt region.
What’s more, Kegels can improve blood circulation to your vagina, make sex feel better, and boost your sexual confidence. Sounds like something worth trying.
4. Have an orgasm before sex
In their words, “it feels like my body has ‘warmed up’ and allows me to have a deeper sensation and orgasms.”
Once you’ve warmed up and reached an orgasm, the chances of achieving the following ones can definitely increase.
5. Find the best position for vaginal orgasm
The best position for vaginal orgasm is the one that provides maximum stimulation for the clitoris or the G-spot. Although it’s different for everyone, sex educators recommend doing it “doggy style”. In this way, the penis will apply pressure to the G-spot and help you reach a vaginal orgasm.
If that’s not doing it for you, you can try the “woman on top” position. This position provides the best stimulation of the G-spot, given the angle of the penis. What’s more, you can easily control the pace, depth, and angle.
The third position you can try is the “sitting” position. You can sit on your lover’s lap in order to achieve deep penetration and good clitoral stimulation. The bonus perk: plenty of intimacy!
6. Communicate with your partner
Yes, Kegels can strengthen your pelvic floor. Different positions can offer a good penetration angle. Foreplay can help you lubricate better. But what about an open communication with your partner?
A frank and straightforward communication with your lover can take you a long way. When you’re open in the bedroom, share your preferences and passions, turn-offs and fantasies, the chances of reaching a vaginal orgasm increase.
You have to talk to each other to find out what you like. Otherwise, it’s a guessing game that won’t help you achieve anything but frustration. As a sexual couple, you shouldn’t stick to one thing you found you like. Try not to limit yourself and explore your human sexuality.
7. Find your perfect tempo
There is a number of guys out there who go for the fast rhythm they see in porn movies. This doesn’t do anything for the woman as the man will have ejaculated before she can even count to ten.
Although there’s no single ‘right way’ to have sex, most people desire a combination of fast along with slow. Men should start with slow motions, then suddenly increase their speed. Women should get on top and try controlling the pace, depth, and angle. As a couple, you should change speeds quickly from slow to fast, then relax for a minute and speed things up again.
The key thing is to keep experimenting with a bunch of different techniques and styles and find out what works best for your sex life.
8. Use lube
If you want to add oil to the wheels of love, use lube. Lubricants can add moisture, making the sensations smoother and more natural.
As we’ve mentioned in the text above, lubrication is essential for a comfortable intercourse and a successful female vaginal orgasm. However, sometimes a woman might have troubles lubricating due to hormones, menopause, stress, or pregnancy. Plus, more than 30% of women report suffering from natural dryness.
This one simple, inexpensive addition to your sex life can help you achieve vaginal orgasm. Whichever type of lube you decide to use, it’s best if you apply it on your fingertips and then on the desired areas. It can be a vulva, vagina, penis, anus, or sex toy.
9. Prepare your mind
Everyone wants to have good sex. This requires a lot of ingredients like lube, Kegels, clitoral stimulation, and open communication. The missing ingredient is a relaxed mind.
In order to achieve vaginal orgasm, you should first relax and enjoy the process. Allow yourself to fully experience sex and its pleasures. Let go of any feelings of stress, guilt, and judgments.
It’s also important to get plenty of rest, regular exercise and the right foods.
Above all, learn how to love your body. Learn to like yourself and all your curves. Once you accept yourself, you’ll start having great sex and hopefully plenty of vaginal orgasms.
Is having no vaginal orgasm bad?
If you’ve tried all the tricks and tips mentioned above and still failed to reach a vaginal orgasm, know that this is perfectly normal. If you paid attention to the article, you know that most women need direct clitoral stimulation to experience orgasm. Unfortunately, the clitoris is located outside the vagina and is rarely stimulated during intercourse.
Blame it on the evolution of the clitoris and its location under the top junction of the vaginal lips. You have nothing to worry about as this it’s a normal situation. Intercourse simply doesn’t provide enough direct clitoral stimulation to make you aroused enough to reach a vaginal orgasm.
At the end of the day, we need to remember that female vaginal orgasm is just one of many important elements to sexual satisfaction.
By Mercy Ada